Mafia Gazette Past Issue 67
The Mafia Gazette Issue 67 For All The News That Is News (E&OE) Sunday 18th December 'EDITOR KIDNAPPED BY MYSTERY CRIME LORD ' Randle McMurphy In an unprecedented move, Gazette Editor Carmela DeAngelis-Giunta was kidnapped last night by the mysterious underworld figure known only by the alias of Miroslav Vienti. The kidnapping was believed to be in retaliation for yesterday’s article into the recent events leading to his name coming into print. In a note left at the coffee shop for myself, the kidnapper left only the words “I mean business, and I don’t like publicity – Miroslav”. This was interpreted as a threat for silence, however no actual demands were made, and Miss De Angelis has since been released unharmed. Early Police reports have no leads, however they are looking to speak to anyone who was in Chicago from 8pm onwards as possible witnesses. During the kidnapping, Miss De Angelis had little opportunity for dialogue with her attacker, who has been implicated in no fewer than a dozen recent murders, along with a spate of bank robberies. Although allegedly treated well, Miss De Angelis remains shocked and is reluctant to comment on the incident, wishing to rest and recover from the trauma. With the Newspaper Editor’s popularity, it is reported that numerous private investigations are ongoing into the true identity and whereabouts of Miroslav Vienti, and various rewards are being offered for information leading to his discovery. Anyone with anything that might help are directed to contact myself, Randle McMurphy, at the Gazette offices. More breaking news as it happens. 'GUN TRADE DEBATE RAGES ' With the number of Made Men and Women growing every day, a debate has taken place concerning what is becoming a commonplace occurrence: Mades taking people into their family, arming them then releasing them back into the community. This disturbing occurrence means that there are Hoodlums running around our streets with guns far sooner than they would normally, with certain family lines joining and leaving families as if there was a revolving door. This surely cheapens the membership of families where oaths are taken to protect secrecy and family values then people come in, pick up a gun and leave without all the same rules applying. It has been questioned whether this is cheapening the membership of the families and the ties that bind them together when people can walk in and out again so easily. Those that are loyal to their bosses have been outraged by this seemingly cavalier attitude to belonging to an established family, with people walking off the boats and looking for a Made family to join to get a gun. Most Mades seem to brush off requests to join for this reason, although it seems that others will do it for a price. This raises concerns about the guns being used to commit murders of other Made family members. Should people expect to join a Made family just for a gun, or should they have to wait and prove themselves worthy of joining, be loyal and a proper family member? That is a question that only those recruiting into their families can answer. 'GUN RUMORS ' By: Mikki The past couple of days I have been hearing about the prices of guns and their shots. The rumour has it that the more expensive the gun, the better the shot is. I have asked people about this ordeal and some say it's just pure luck, others think it's what you get for the buy. Some expensive guns turn out to be cheap and don't have a good shot. This is what turns the story around saying that the other guns turn out to be pure luck. Many people may have had bargained guns that turned out to be good and cheap expensive guns that aren't worthwhile. I've talked to people who have worked and tried to get an expensive gun and has just wasted their time! So the lesson is, the rumour is both luck and what you get for the buy. Note, this may be a good instructional lesson for new to buying guns! 'THE CHRISTMAS TEDDY ' By: Constanzia_Corleone She cleaned up the attic in her large, 2-story house and came across the teddy. It was brown, fluffy, and had red and green plaid material lining its furry ears. Smiling gently, she picked it up, and pauses to remember. It was a very cold year.. She wasn't making a lot of money, and was living in a rundown apartment. The windows had gaps between the walls and the window frames. The kitchen sink leaked constantly into a bucket. As she heard the noise upstairs. She turned on the radio to drown out the sounds of the drug dealer's arguments. And then she sighed, and thought about her sleeping son. He was just 3 years old, with an innocent child's blind faith in Santa. What was she going to get him for Christmas? There was no money to spare. A tear slipped down as she though to the tiny stash of gifts a batch of home made cookies and treats, the $5 Christmas teddy from "Santa", a box of crayons, and maybe a hot wheel car or two. The teddy was large, fluffy, and dressed in red and green plaid. Christmas Eve, she wrapped it up carefully and set it next to the box of crayons, two hot-wheel cars, paper "recycled" from work, and the homemade treats. There was no tree. A tear slipped down her cheek at the meagre offerings. On Christmas morning, the little boy tore quickly thru the wrappings. He hugged the teddy, and began running the hot-wheels over teddy's tubby tummy. Daddy came over, bringing a large, multi-purpose gaming table. It had a ping-pong cover, billiards pockets, and all the accessories. He smiled smugly at the tiny pile of gifts given by his ex-wife. With a happy smile that hid the silent ache and anger, she watched as her excited 3 year old (and Teddy) helped Daddy assemble the gift. She cleaned up the discarded bits of paper while her tiny offerings sat discarded to the side. Again she felt the guilt of not enough gifts. That night, as she tucked him into bed, her son refused to go to sleep without his Christmas teddy. With an ashamed tear slipping down her cheek, she gently covered up the teddy and her son, and kissed his cheek. 2 days later, daddy's gift suffered a tragic accident. It wasn't made to be a trampoline for a 3 year old. The homemade treats were enjoyed while colouring on the recycled paper. For several more years, the Christmas teddy was the nightly companion of her little boy, and co-conspirator in many adventures. She gently hugged the Christmas bear, and smiled. Even though her son was at college, she tucked the bear into his old bed, doing so with a sweet-sad ache of the remembrance. Gifts given with love do not need to be expensive to be cherished. Sometimes, the little gifts are what's most important. 'LETTERS PAGE ' Ma'am in reading the most recent gazette, I feel that there is some confusion dealing with the final hours of PinkMistress' life. While not important to the Denver bank robberies, allow me to shed some light on this. In the wee hours of the morning of her death, I was quietly minding my own business, taking a stroll down the streets, when one of my bodyguards was shot dead, instantly. I didn’t have a chance to see it, and very quickly, two more of my bodyguards died instantly upon being hit, still without my noticing who was shooting. It wasn’t until Felipe, my final bodyguard, took a bullet to the stomach yet retained enough to composure to wound our attacker that I saw her face. PinkMistress was firing at me, for an unknown reason. With Felipe lying in a pool of blood by my side, I quickly drew my pistol and fired a fatal shot into her chest. She died on the spot, and I managed to rush Felipe to the hospital and save his life. PinkMistress' last words were there for everyone to see, but ill remind you...she claimed to have been operating on a false witness statement and attacked me, assuming I was someone else. my words at her funeral were in regards to the rather enormous sum of money she had on her at the time of her death, totalling well over 3.5 million dollars. I didn’t wish to kill her, and upon learning that it had all been a mistake, I saw it only fit to make sure her daughter received some of that money. I had no need for it. I hope that clears up some confusion, if not necessarily answering any questions. From Eric_Cougar 'CLASSIFIEDS ' Anyone wishing to place an ad should send it in to CarmelaDeAngelis at the Gazette Offices in Chicago. All ads are free, but must still fall within the set guidelines. 02:48, February 15, 2013 (UTC)02:48, February 15, 2013 (UTC)02:48, February 15, 2013 (UTC)Hice19 (talk) 02:48, February 15, 2013 (UTC) Ladies and Gentlemen, the Management of Starry Dreamer Enterprises is proud to present a Double Grand Opening of Glitz and Glamour in the Town where Show Business was born, Los Angeles! For those who don’t know, Starry Dreamer is an Entertainment Company, established to provide what many bar Owners know all too well is lacking, namely talent! We are continually striving to unearth those with the genuine ability to entertain. No ability or talent will go unseen and we have many young hopefuls on our books and are looking for many more. Our acts will perform at any Venue around the Country with enough advanced notice and to mark this inaugural opening we have 3 very special performances lined up in the latest Club to open its doors in Los Angeles, Furio’s. Located as it is on North Highland Avenue, it is very much at the heart of the Hollywood Community. Further press releases will be made confirming the final appearance dates, but the opening act will see the beautiful Miss BarbieDahl take to the stage for your listening and viewing pleasure in what will be her debut act. Following on from this we will have CensoredToo as our featured comedian. This young man is no stranger to the stage and will be following on in his fathers foot-steps in what promises to be a great show!! There won’t be a dry eye in the house as he outlines his life experiences in an attempt to complete a remarkable rags to riches tale. He expects it all and tomatoes have not been ruled out should his performance fail you!!! And finally we have a man for whom a lot of words have been used to describe. “Genius.” “The Devil himself.” “Tortured Soul.” “A poignant Young Man.” His name is Randle McMurphy and he will be playing the classics for you on the third night of this Entertainment Extravaganza on the in-house Piano. Need a hot act? Birthday Entertainment for your Boss? Bookings? Have you got Talent? Starry Dreamer Enterprises wants to hear from YOU!! Contact Albert-Neri or Starry Dreamer’s PR Manager TheReddeH for further information. 02:48, February 15, 2013 (UTC)02:48, February 15, 2013 (UTC)02:48, February 15, 2013 (UTC)Hice19 (talk) 02:48, February 15, 2013 (UTC) Furio’s Franchise is currently seeking able associates to work in and around the LA Bar. Positions that need filling include a Bar Manager, a Bar-man and security staff. Contact Albert-Neri for an application form. We are an equal Opportunities Employer. We don’t really like anyone. 02:48, February 15, 2013 (UTC)02:48, February 15, 2013 (UTC)02:48, February 15, 2013 (UTC)Hice19 (talk) 02:48, February 15, 2013 (UTC) Are you looking for a Pic for your ID? Need something to show the world who you really are? Come on over to the Pic Place in Chicago for all your pic needs. Everything is free. Just mail CarmelaDeAngelis for details and to put in your request. Gallery of Pics done available. Just ask to see a catalogue of completed works. 02:48, February 15, 2013 (UTC)02:48, February 15, 2013 (UTC)02:48, February 15, 2013 (UTC)Hice19 (talk) 02:48, February 15, 2013 (UTC) Hello all and I thank you in advance for reading. I have decided that due to secret service problems and the fact that i have had many attempts on my life from these so called 'randoms' that the streets are not safe anymore. I have now opened a 24 hour banking service available to all as a citizen. For those people who just have too much money on them or they need to get rid of it as they fear for their lives. Many might also want to invest money for their children etc or fear these bank robbers. I will be based in Las Vegas and if you are interested in this venture I urge you to mail me before sending any cash. Transfers will not be accepted only wires. 10% fee applies. Thank you Anthony-Draker 02:48, February 15, 2013 (UTC)02:48, February 15, 2013 (UTC)02:48, February 15, 2013 (UTC)Hice19 (talk) 02:48, February 15, 2013 (UTC) 'Anyone wishing to submit articles should do so by 10am Mafia time on the day of publications. Articles will be paid for on an individual basis. Please contact CarmelaDeAngelis, Editor of The Mafia Gazette, at the Gazette Offices, Chicago. All articles must conform to the guidelines available in the booklet “Newspaper Recruiting” available on the newsstand and will be paid for. Normal articles will receive $5,000 and outstanding items will receive $10,000. '